I don't know if I should find it amusing that I'm trapped on a ship with a bunch of richy rich people or what. I'm just loving the looks that they're giving me, and one even pulled their child off to the side so I wouldn't get to close to her. Like I'm a pedophile or something. So, yeah, I might have kinky and sick fetishes, but I don't touch children. I can't even get hard for those that act childish. That's just.. wrong.
Anyway.
So I'm checking out this place, and it is fucking huge. Just absolutely huge. I think it was worth the waiting and suffering through dealing with snob bitches. A shame it's only nine days, but eh.. maybe I'll set up something for longer. Surprise the band or what not. I think they'd love this. There's everything for everyone here.
After getting ourselves situated and making our own waves, I remained in the room while she went off to meet and greet. I had company, my own stash of goodies that was going to help me be able to put up with the people around here. Those from the club I can deal with them just fine, that's a given. Truth be told, it was just one of many reasons I gave myself to get loaded and lay back, staring at the ceiling. Pretty boring, but it's better than the questions I'd get if I went down to the dinner hall. Eventually the solitude began to get to me and I took off, heading to where I figured everyone was. We had a roster saying that they'd be in the main dinner hall, so I was hoping I wasn't going to wander around aimlessly.
Sure enough, the moment I walked in glaring red caught my attention, but another thing did as well, the smell of food. I hadn't eaten for a few days now, nothing so unusual for me, so the scent of food did well to not only cause my stomach to growl, but to curdle. I had the idea to turn around and go back to the cabin before I ended up dry heaving. Couldn't, though. I was noticed right when I had the chance to skedaddle. Not wanting to seem antisocial I sat and enjoyed the company for as long as I could.
A few people were there; Abri, Red, Dez, I saw Aiden and Nuno for a bit of time, but they disappeared as quickly as they arrived. No clue why, but whatever. Since the night of "playing hard to get" it hasn't been on the top of my agenda to be around those two anyway. There's only a few people I'd play that game with, and they're not part of that small crowd.
I wasn't in much of a talking mood, mostly because it felt like I was going to be hurling up what was in my stomach -- which at the time was only water. That's one of the worse things to throw up, let me tell you. I can't much remember what was being spoken of, something about shuffle boards and eating. Safe to say I wasn't paying attention, not until it was brought toward me.
Apparently I was a bit more green than I thought, for it was mentioned that I looked sick. I didn't want people to start worrying over me, or babying me, so I did what I usually do, put a mask as if nothing was wrong. Ordered a ginger ale and went back to my thoughts. Which, oddly, I can't even drudge up what I was thinking. Oh well.
Eventually another was added to the group, a friend of the red gal, one that gave me a 'tilt head' regard. Yeah, my defense was up, real fast. The last few times someone gave me a look like that, it was because their lover, man, girl, whatever the fuck someone wants to call them, turned their attention toward me, like it's my fault they couldn't avoid Temptation. There was no Damien glaring going on there, so I wagered a guess that he was cool with me. Which is all in well. I don't like to fight. Besides, the guy looked fuckable and I made sure to tell Red that too.
I was more than happy when it was mentioned that we should head out to the pool, and so I took up the less usual spot, at least when it came to traveling with groups; the lead. It was good to get away from the food and into the fresh air. It was dark, just the way I like it, and I was making a beeline straight for the bar. Unfortunately the didn't have those big bottles I like, so after forking over a bill I came away with seven of those beauties, all Jack.
On my way back one of the party members was heading off, another must have gotten lost during the travel. Interest in one, uncaring for the other, and both of them straight-edgers. Ah well. A man can dream, no? Dragging the serene and red ones with me, we headed off to the chairs, and that's when it began.
Usually, when something's about to go down, I get this feeling in my chest, that mark burning as if the bullet had passed through again. There were some things that needed to be said. I felt the need to apologize for what I asked for last month. I knew it was something she didn't give lightly, if at all, and yet still I asked. Something had changed that night, initiated by that inquiry. Doors that weren't usually slammed shut were in my face, then locked. I didn't know just how locked until last night.
It might have been said that most of what had happened didn't cause this change, but there was still that "some." To know that I was responsible in some fashion hurt. It hurt more than I let on, and so I began to retreat with a touch to her cheek and plastic smile. Those who weren't privy to my mind set, or to the whispered words might think that I felt that aching burn because of being denied and lowered in status, but that wasn't the fact, no. We were friends before, during and would be after.
I was about to leave, but her next words is what glued me in place, stuck there by some form of surprise. I was silent, but it wasn't for the lack of something to say. I can't really say what it was from, but from front to back, following that gouging line that ache came stronger. I understood, though. More than she might think I do. The lingering traces of coke was fading, and I didn't trust myself to remain out there without some sort of haze on my mind. I found it best to slither back beneath my rock, and so I did. As I headed off, a few lines from a familiar song went through my mind:
What's become isn't lust
I shuffle through the lonely dusk
Fire that will not quit
Upon this throne I will sit
It makes sense if one thinks about it. Nevertheless, I had gone to the cabin but only to powder my nose, as it were, and went back out on the deck near the front of the ship after leaving a note for the napping beauty to know where I was should she wake before I got back.
I don't know how long I sat up there, but I did watch the sun rise over the water. It's been a while since I last watched one of those. It brought a sense of peace, or it could have just been the drugs running through my system. Who knows. Today's the second day on this ship, and apparently there's something that's supposed to be going on later. Me, I found the Solitarium. Thinking that maybe I should head off that way for a bit of skinny dipping and whirlpool action. No kids there, damn right I'm going to let it all hang out.
